At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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