i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
