bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
