WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
