not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
