my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
