i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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