hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
