No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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