Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
