i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
