from now on my penis is your penis
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Alive.
So much puke
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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