i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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