OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
