flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Come share oat with me in your robe
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
