My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
