I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
