I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
