so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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