its not stalking. its research.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
