I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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