Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
