Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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