you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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