Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
