I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
