I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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