no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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