I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
