About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
This is my gift to your gina
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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