I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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