Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
