Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
