he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
