apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize