gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
