He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
