so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
