the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Watching her eat just hurts me
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
