if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
