normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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