I puked a lego.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize