I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
