In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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