Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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