You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
soo... how was my night?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
