Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
