he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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