Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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