I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
