Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
