no, he came in my armpit
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
