My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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