There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
