toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
North Korea, Best Korea!
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
