We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize