why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
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