he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
