I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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