If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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