you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
