she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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