She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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