How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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