I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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