Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
