Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
