I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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