I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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