This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
