Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
