im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
