but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
