i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We are two peas in an std pod
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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