i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
