More tranny stories later!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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