you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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