how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
