Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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