I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So here I am, sexting at work.
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