I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
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