I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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