either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
