I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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