but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
