in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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