we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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