Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
