If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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