Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
