sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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