The best revenge is premature balding
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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