So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
