Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
