Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
