so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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