He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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