Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
