If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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