Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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